Praise be to the Internet!!
As an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church, I am able to conduct and perform any recognised religious ceremony, subject to local laws. And whilst this is the source of much amusement to my colleagues and annoyance to my cousin, who spent 5 years studying at Bible college, just think what would hapen if I really did decide to run a church.........
At the Holy Church of the Virgin Pint
Thanks to Lisa who came up with this stuff.
At communion time, it's White Lightnin' and Branston Pickle flavoured crisps for everyone!
All hymns are accompanied by videos shown on large screens and for some inexplicable reason, all songs are by boy bands.
Forget altar boys; Reverend Jim's got Solid Gold dancers!
(Solid Gold Dancers just in case you have no idea what the hell I'm on about)
Instead of reading passages from the Bible, Reverend Jim quotes amusing lines from various Carry On films.
The Ten Commandments have been narrowed down to around three, two of which involve the words "Thou shall not forget to buy me a round".
The choir has been replaced by a karaoke machine, and it only contains one song: "What's New Pussycat?"
Passion plays are performed with sock puppets.
You don't want to know what makes the stained glass...stained.
Each service ends with a baudy limerick.
Reverend Jim's not wearing anything under that robe - and he's strategically placed the pulpit over an air vent.